I saw a message from a mother on the Internet saying that when she got angry, she would leave the baby to other family members to take care of her, and she would not hold the baby until she felt better. If there was no one around, she would still hold the baby, but It will not give the baby a “good look”.
The mother said she realized it was “bad” but didn’t know exactly what impact it would have on her children. So, let’s talk about this:
- Is it good to do this?
- What harm does neglect do to children?
- Under what circumstances do children actually need to be “ignored”?
01
this way
Is it good or not?
I want to say that this mother actually did a pretty good job. because:
01
Everyone gets irritable, angry, and impatient at times. It’s normal to get angry while caring for your baby. There is no need to feel guilty or think that you are not a good mother because you are angry with your baby.
02
When you find yourself angry, you choose to avoid it for a while and let other family members take care of the baby. When you calm down, you can come back to take care of (hold) the baby again. I think this is the right thing to do, because it not only prevents you from passing on your “bad” emotions to your children, but also avoids abnormal behavior in a state of bad emotions.
03
Even if you are angry and there is no one around, you will still hold (take care of and comfort the baby). This is really not easy, because it is related to emotional management and control. Try to control your emotions, avoid emotional outbursts, and persist in trying to comfort and meet your baby’s needs without external help.
Of course, I have to mention here that if there is no one around to help and you feel that you really can’t control your emotions, you can also put the baby in a safe environment first, and then the mother can temporarily get out of the angry atmosphere and let Quiet yourself alone, for example, put the baby in the crib to ensure the safety of the bed. Then the mother calms down in the next room. After 10 minutes, she comes back to continue comforting and taking care of the baby.
This is mainly to prevent mothers from losing control of their emotions and causing uncontrollable behavior to harm the baby. For example, shaken baby syndrome is an injury caused by parents under extreme emotions.
04
Occasionally, I don’t feel good about my children, but I don’t think there’s any need to get too hung up on it.
Although it is best for us to smile at the baby and speak softly and softly, even if the baby cannot speak, he can still feel this warm love. However, if you occasionally get angry and fail to have such a facial expression, there is actually no need to worry about it. Firstly, there is no need to require yourself to be 100% perfect and to be a mother 100% according to the theoretical requirements. Secondly, if you occasionally “have a bad look”, in fact, It will not cause major or long-term adverse effects on the baby.
picture
Image source: Unsplash
Generally speaking, there is no need to be overly entangled or blame yourself because you have to temporarily “break away” from your baby when you are occasionally angry, or you cannot do it 100%, and there is no need to worry about hurting your baby.
As long as, overall, we respond positively to our baby’s needs, stay with us more, and interact more, we’re good.
How to maintain emotional stability as much as possible, how to lose your temper with “high emotional intelligence”, and how to avoid losing your temper frequently. For details, please see:
02
“neglect”
What impact will it have on children?
Different from the situation described by the mother just now, some “neglect”, such as daily unresponsiveness to the baby’s needs, no interaction or communication with the baby, etc., will have a negative impact on the baby, and it will be long-term. Influence.
In the first three years of life, although babies’ language, understanding, and logical abilities are still very limited, they will slowly understand how the surrounding world and society operates in an “unconscious” state, and these understandings will be “encoded” “Get into a child’s brain.
During this period, if the baby and the parents are actively interacting and responding to each other, such as the baby’s various needs, the parents will work hard to understand and respond positively; actively interact with the baby and communicate more (for example, through eyes, expressions, intonation, etc.) Baby communication), is conducive to the early brain development of children, thereby promoting children’s emotions, behavior, social skills and other aspects. These favorable factors obtained at the earliest stage of life will also promote the long-term development of children.
On the contrary, if you usually turn a blind eye to your baby’s needs and have no interaction or response with your baby, this kind of neglect in the daily parenting process will have long-term adverse effects on your baby’s social interaction, behavior, and emotions.
Therefore, occasional bad moods and occasional separation from the baby are not actually things we need to worry about. The real thing to worry about is habitual “neglect” in parenting.
03
Under what circumstances,
Actually need to “ignore” the child?
But sometimes we need to “ignore” to help children reduce bad behaviors. For example, when a child deliberately performs some unruly behavior to attract parents’ attention, we need to “ignore” it.
For example, if a child loses his temper, cries, kicks, or hits others when he or she is not injured or in any physical discomfort, and the parent yells at or gives in to the child, this reaction may be very harmful to the child. A reward because the child gets the parent’s response and compromise. And this kind of reward may further reinforce the child’s bad behavior.
Older children understand cause and effect better. If the demands expressed by the child every time he has an emotional outburst are met, the child may mistakenly believe that doing so will achieve the goal. Therefore, when children lose their temper, they sometimes need to respond by “not paying attention”, “ignoring”, and pretending to be busy. This is especially important for older children.
at last
In the process of raising children, we do not need to pursue perfection, nor do we need to feel guilty because of occasional “little problems”. Grasping the general direction of science and the small details are more of a process of continuous adjustment and growth with the children.
The above is what I am sharing today. I hope it is helpful and please share it with more parents to read and understand.
